I am giving tuition to a boy whose parents came from Bangladesh. They have immigrated to Singapore 15 years ago and the boy is born a Singaporean. Bangaldes’ culture is largely defined by Islam and with my past interactions with many Islamic friends, I thought that I was competent in dealing with the Dos and Don’ts.
I remembered the first time when I shook the mother’s hand, it felt limp. In my context, the handshake felt insincere and at that moment, I thought that she was being rude. However, after researching, I found out that that was their way of a handshake. Shaking hands in their culture is common, but they may feel rather limp.
Apparently in Bangaldes’ culture, greetings usually take place between members of the same sex. Women will only really be met within business contexts and even so, it is best to wait to see if a hand is extended before doing so. However the mother was quick to shake my extend hand, though limp. This could probably be an adaptation of their culture into the Singapore’s context, after all they have been here for 15 years. In Singapore’s context, girls are more open and extending one’s hand for a handshake is a gesture of friendliness.
From these experiences, I have learnt to withhold my judgmental views. I could not expect everyone to behave within my expectations since everybody is different. In addition, I have also realized that culture is not fixed. It can be shaped by the surroundings and adapt to societal expectations.
On a side note, I am troubled by a cultural issue. When people (Muslims for example) put their hands to their hearts after a handshake, how should I (non-Muslim) react? Should I put my hand to my heart as well?
Charles, I think a nod or a slight bow is still the safest way when greeting a muslim woman and for me, when Muslims put their hands to their hearts after a handshake, I will do the same too, to put my hands to my heart. I understand that Muslims do so as a way of showing honour to us, so it is more courteous to do the same to them.
ReplyDeleteI think it is perfectly fine also if we do not to do so.
Charles, in my opinion, she does the way she usually does and you do the way you usually do. It is just like you respect her culture by not stopping her to put her hands to her hearts and she respect your culture by not asking you to do so or feel that you are rude when you are not doing that. Maybe "stopping her to put her hands to her hearts" is not a very concrete example and I will give you another example.
ReplyDeleteTraditionally, the Malays dine with their right hand while the Chinese dine with both hands with chopsticks. When they dine together, the Chinese do not ask the Malay to use chopsticks because they think using bare hand to dine is dirty. On the other hand, Malays do not ask the Chinese to use only right hand because they think left hand is dirty. In this case, the Chinese and the Malays respect each other's cultures but stick to their own cultures at the same time.
Hello Charles! I personally do not put my hand to my heart even though my Malay friends greet me that way, as I would usually exchange a warm sincere smile when they do so. I think what matters most is to respect the cultural difference rather than to emulate what is done by cultures which may be different from ours.
ReplyDeleteOn a side note, I thought your analysis of the lady's willingness to shake your hand as a form of cultural adaptation is apt. I think that lady exhibits intercultural competence as she has assimilated her own Bangladeshi culture with the more modern one of Singapore's.
I remembered feeling very awkward whenever my muslim friends put their hands to their hearts because i'm not doing it. thanks guys, i know how to react from now on.
ReplyDeleteI like the way you change your attitude toward cultural difference actively, even you felt that mother would be a bit rude at the first time! And I think it's good to learn the reason why muslim friend putting their hand on their hearts after shacking hand. As a result, we could decide whether this is a good greeting way we could adapt in our life or just respect it as culture difference. :):)
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